Are you f@&$ing serious?

Christmas holidays are here. Mom and Dad showed up unscathed. All seems great.

Let me tell you about our trip to Bali.

First, web check in. Sounds wonderful. New addition to AirAsia.

Call cab to pick us up at 8:00.

8:30 family is walking across the street to catch a cab because said cab has not shown up. "sorry, Meester" .

10:25- arrive at airport for 10:35 flight to Bali. Told because I had used the web check in I would have to purchase six new tickets. 10:26- security arrives after I slammed my hands on the counter telling the attendant that the plane would take off late because no AirAsia flight has ever taken off on time. After being told that they had closed the gate and we could not get on, my blood pressure rises some more. Mental note and real pisser- the plane did not take off until 10:52.... So, it was late.

After only paying a service fee, we were able to get new tickets on the 1:45 flight out. Good news.

Bad news....that plane was 50 minutes late for arrival. Take off time...3:00.

So, we wasted half a day in Bali. How was I supposed to add to my collection of carved, wooden dick bottle openers?

Had a great time in Bali with the folks.

Going to Jogjakarta with mom and dad.

6:00am flight. Need to leave hotel at 4:00 am. Up at three, have a driver already lined up. The same driver who we had used for the previous three days.

4:00- phone driver to check if he is on his way.

4:15- get in touch with driver who was still sleeping. He says he is half an hour away.

4:23- driver picks us up.

4:24- wonder how much gas is in his tank when the little 'need gas' light comes on. Also wonder if gas stations are open at this early hour. Also wonder why a person who has no gas does not fill up tank the night before. Also wonder why I am being so calm......ahhh....memories of security. Catch more flies with honey. But shit works well, too.

4:45- mom has covered her eyes because she cannot believe how driver is driving. Welcome to Indonesia, mom!

4:55- getting gas. Still need to make the plane.

After almost losing control while hydro planing, driver says we are five minutes away from airport. I tell him it would be a shame to die so close to destination and he slowed down. You're welcome, mom.

5:20- arrive at airport. Unfortunately, there was some construction and I think there was a 20min. Walk to the front gates.

5:30- in line for tickets

Plane takes off ten minutes late.

Don't ask 'Why?'.

Marni and I went out on our date-night, last night. A great little Turkish place up the road. Actual, Turkish...not a doner kebab! Anyway, a nice couple sat down beside us and we got to talking. Turns out, the man was a Principal at a local, Indonesian public school. To make things better, he was Canadian! From BC, mind you, but still Canadian.

He was soon to return to Canada to do some recruiting and he asked Marni and I what he should include in a presentation about teaching in Jakarta. Our answer, "Don't ask why anything is the way it is." That question could drive you crazy.

A couple examples, recently. The manpower department has recently decided that they need to have all of our teachers university transcripts in order to renew their work permits. It doesn't matter that all of these teachers have already received work permits and are simply renewing them. They had been approved in the past, but now they government does not believe itself. That may seem easy to overcome, except our Principal has been teaching for 30 years and her college doesn't exist anymore.

Another teacher had taken a number of history modules in her last year of University. The module names: Sorcery and Witchcraft, Hollywood, just to name a few. It may be tough to sell yourself as a teacher when those are the modules the Indonesian government will see. One of the other wonderful things is that all the transcripts needed to be translated into Indonesian. I am certain that will happen smoothly .

Another thing we find around here is the number of restaurants that are out of food. Why? Don't ask. KFC with no chicken, McDonalds with no hamburgers, Bars with no beer. There is a restaurant across the street that has many liquor bottles along their bar. They are all empty. You ask for Scotch- none, wine- not today, Meester. But, decorations....they have many.

We have no gym equipment at our school. Over the last few years much of it has been stolen, kicked over the fence, etc. We were to make a large order from a company in Australia. One of our Indonesian teachers mentioned to me that we could simply get that stuff locally. When I asked "Why don't we go and buy some equipment, then?" I received the standard 'deer in headlights' look. Silly me for asking why.

Looking at this topic I guess many questions have simple answers:

Why do the buses not have doors? Duh, to get in and out while the bus is still moving.

Regardless of whose fault a car accident is, why does the car owner always pay for the scooter driver? Duh, because the car is bigger. You should have known the scooter would run into your back bumper.

Why are there stoplights? That is a good question. Apparently, 98% of Indonesians are colourblind, anyway.

Why is there a Saskatchewan Roughriders Jersey in the outlet store across the street? Because no one at home will buy it.

Why is that man strapped to a palm tree? How else would he get it home on his scooter.