White people can dance.

Well...Marni performed her play with her Indonesian students, tonight. I tell you, all was great. Treasure Island by a munch of Asians and one Russian is pretty cool. One character sounded like a Jamaican Voodoo lady and another sounded like some strange half-English half-I don't know. But, it was all good.

One of things I am noticing about these students is how robotic they are. I have witnessed it in sports and now in drama. They have a lot of trouble 'flowing'. It seems like they cannot walk and talk when they are playing or acting. It was 'walk-say line, -walk- say line'. Of course the kids were nervous. At least the four students whose parents actually showed up were nervous. The same happens in phys.ed. where they are too robotic to not fall on their face. So, white people are less awkward then at least one group of people.

School is winding down and the kids are getting restless. More so then they do at home, too. We had a pool party on Wednesday and the students hated it! "It's too hot!" Really? Too hot to jump in the olympic sized school pool? Yup, they wanted to sit in the air conditioned library and play video games. Nerds! You can't tell me that any Canadian kids wouldn't give their left nut to hang out for an afternoon in the school pool. Especially since they just thawed out from the harsh winter that you were all bitching on facebook about having. Awwww!! (I spelled that with the sarcasm button).

Another interesting thing about the drama aspect is that our one Mandarin teacher (and soon to be tour guide of China) was quite upset about Marni breaking her leg. When I gave him a dumbfounded look (which, really, is my normal look) I wondered why someone would say "Break a leg, Marni" on the staffroom wall. When I explained what the phrase meant he just shook his head and said "Why is English so confusing? If you want to wish a person good luck, just say good luck." Now I know why China is kicking the rest of the world's ass.

Kota Kinabalu

Marni, the kids and I thought we would get another stamp in our passport by heading to Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia for the weekend. It is on the Island of Borneo- some of the most rustic, wild areas of the world. Cool!

Firstly, Malaysia had all of the best parts of Jakarta AND organization. It was a great place to visit.

The first couple of days we just hung out and did some shopping. A popular gift would be the frog purse. Kind of creepy and even more so when you realize the purse is made from an actual frog. Just hollow it out, add a zipper and call it a purse. So much for donating my body to science....I'm a wallet, baby!

Going through the shops it was evident that Caden could do whatever he wanted to. I turned around and he had stolen a bracelet from one of the stalls. He was honestly picking it up for Fifi (the nanny) but neglected to pay for it. The owner of the shop could have cared less. Tip #1: Take a blonde boy to Malaysia with you. Zoe cannot get away with as much. But, she smiles so well that she appears in many holiday pictures for the droves of Hong Kong tourists in the area. Caden is not as willing to pose for pictures.

We went on a couple of tours. One was a river cruise to see Proboscis monkeys. Caden referred to them as Pocahontas monkeys. Another cute thing he did this weekend. It was amazing to see these monkeys in the wild along with some other macaques. Amazing how fast a local boat driver can spot them when he is being paid. One glaring difference between a tour in Indonesia and one in Malaysia was the fact there were life jackets provided. Indonesians would assume you can swim.

We went to Mt. Kinabalu National Park. A wonderful little place with some of the rarest flowers around. Some of them are found only in that area. Sexy Lady orchids (they have boobs!) can be found, one type of orchid that the guide has only seen three time since 2003 and the smallest orchid in the world. When I asked the guide the name of the smallest orchid he said "The smallest orchid". Sort of like saying "Hey, who is that asshole?". "I don't know, we just call him the Asshole".

Part of the tour included a canopy walk. The kids were troopers until Caden looked down at the highest point of the trek. Then he shrieked and would not proceed. One of the guides had to carry him to the end. They would not let Marni or I do it. But, we have now identified something he is afraid of. He said he was just scared that Mommy would die if she fell. He was really just protecting her, not screaming.

Another part of the tour was to see the worlds largest flower- the Rafflesia. This flower contains no roots, shoots or leaves. It just buds from the ground. It can take 3 months for the bud to open and will only bloom for 5-7 days- once in the plants lifetime. Locally known as the "corpse flower" due to the pungent smell it produces. The locals drove us in a van with no suspension to what I thought would be our death to see this rare flower. Of course, there was a price attached.

After buying some new shoes I left the old ones on top of a dumpster. After 15 min, they were taken by a local to wear. The Salvation Army in action.

I am sure there are more stories and I will fill you in later.

Taiwan

Apparently, wake-up calls are simply a suggestion. Then, it is the chaperons job to put food and water into a students’ mouth. It may even be better for us to insert an IV so that they will not have to waste the energy on chewing.

This morning, a student who was late for the bus looked at me and said “Meester, I am hungry. When will we stop to get food?”. I asked him if he ate at the wonderful buffet that was free in the hotel. “No, I was sleeping.” was his answer. I have no sympathy for that.

We had a crisis with a student cramping up. He is a bit of a hypochondriac at the best of times but this was legit. He collapsed outside of his room with his leg straight out. By the time I returned to the hotel he was packed in a taxi ready to go to the hospital. After another teacher talked him out of the cab we were able to get him some water and other food. He mentioned that he had drunk nothing but coke all day. I guess it is hard to get your electrolytes when your head is buried in your crotch staring at your video game console, all day.

The students are starting to grab a clue, though of most life skills. They are careful of their own luggage, staying together and taking care of one another. One day, they will realize that their nannies will not be everywhere with them.

We have been visiting the night markets in Taiwan for the last couple of nights. Where else can you find such things to snack on as sheep brains, hearts, intestine and what not? You may think I am making this up…..nope.

This crappy train is only doing 252 km/h. I don’t know why we are slowing down from the ever-so-gentle 296 km/h.

Today, we will head up to Taipei 101. I think it is the second largest building in the world. Something interesting, when was the last time that something truly amazing was built in Canada? It is amazing to see these high-speed trains, amazing buildings and other innovative structures that we just don’t do. Maybe it is the space we have, financial problems or what, but to see what people are building in these countries is truly wonderful.

We went to an aquarium in the south of Taiwan, yesterday. The place was stunning. They had the most amazing displays and descriptions that I have ever seen. There was a tank that must have been 3 stories tall with kelp beds. There was a two or three story tank that had a model shipwreck. It explained the process and life that is found at the various levels. They also had a Beluga whale that popped a boner on command. Very impressive indeed, Mr. Whale.

Travelling with Privileged children

We arrived in Taipei last night and during the flight check-in and throughout the trip I was amazed at some of the goings-on.

Initially, we are barely off the bus and a couple of our Korean students realized they have forgotten their KITAS. Basically, that is the document that allows them leave and re-enter the country. That is not a big issue. If you “pay” the immigration officer for his “service” then you have no issues. Apparently, $20 is the number.

I was amazed at the number of students who have not been part of the check-in experience. Typically, they have their drivers check-in, drop off the bags and fill out the paperwork. Then, the kids just walk in through immigration.

This morning, we needed to catch the high-speed train to some place that ends in ‘ing’. We are leaving our main bags at the hotel to come back in two days. We would then travel with a small amount of clothes in our carry-on for the next two nights. Well, many of the ladies were close to leaving their luggage at the hotel because they assumed someone else would grab it for them. Then, to top off the morning we had to ‘walk’ to the ‘station’ to catch the ‘public transit’. These were of course English words that were foreign to many of our students.

On the way to the train station the young man walking beside be asked if he could buy clothes in the new city we were heading to. It turned out he did not understand directions and did not pack any clothes. I fail to see what he actually put in his backpack, but it was not his bathing suit. That’s okay. He said he will just buy new clothes.

We have a number of Muslim students that did not eat last night because they were unsure if their food would have been mixed with pork. Being one of God’s chosen people I understand their struggle. Even I fall prey to a Kosher hotdog at Costco.

Many of the students are struggling with actually keeping tabs on their stuff. The teacher that is leading the trip put a student in charge of one of his bags. The student did not think that a $4000 trumpet was something that needed to be removed from carry-on. It was fine to bring it on the plane, but someone else would have taken it off.

I had to change rooms because a couple of kids phoned their mom and told them they were in room 804. Apparently, they were going to die if they stayed there. Mom phoned all in a panic so to appease her I moved. So, the girls stayed in room 824. I guess half-dead is better then totally dead. The same girls, today, were late getting off the bus because they need to use their ‘special’ sunscreen instead of the stuff the rest of us use.

Some initial thoughts on Taiwan. I don’t understand many of the strange customs such as signalling before making a turn, not using the horn to communicate all driving moves and having clearly marked police vehicles. In fact, I saw a fire station. It is honestly the first station I have seen since being in Asia.

We went to a night market and our travel agent bought me some of the famous tofu that is produced in Taiwan. After eating it, the only way I can describe it is the taste you get in your mouth when walking into a pig barn. Dad will know what I mean. Seriously, though, I did not get the ‘tastes like Xmas morning’ or ‘apple pie’ feeling. It was totally, De Creeks farm.

There is also this strange Asian smell. Not in the air outside, though. I get it in Jakarta, too. It happens when you walk into stores and other buildings. I don’t know how to describe it. But it smells like Asian. Weird.

Kartini Day

Tomorrow is Kartini Day. You should be wondering "What can I do to celebrate this wondrous event?". I would say to you " First, you must find a small animal, slit it's throat and let it bleed to death in the living room.". However, I would be telling you a lie. Kartini Day is a celebration of the woman who promoted the education of women in Indonesia. What's next- letting them drive? Such primitive people.

I learned something interesting the other day from a Muslim cab driver. I asked him what the deal was with the scarves that the women are supposed to wear. He told me it was because men would 'think' differently if they see a women who is uncovered. I was skeptical when he talked of men 'thinking'. However, it really makes sense. Because men think with their peckers they cover their women from head to toe with scarves. It all makes sense, now. And....now that the French government has started with the ban on head scarves we will see a decrease in French productivity. So much for the liberation of Libya. Plus, I know my mind has been rendered useless after watching 30 seconds of Jersey Shore. I guess Muslim reasoning is not too far off.

Today was a great day. I wasn't feeling well at school so I tackled traffic and took the 25 steps to the apartment to have a snooze. As I was laying on the couch I was able to watch a LIVE Blue Jays baseball game. It felt like I was back home in my living room on a Saturday afternoon- except for Marni asking me stupid baseball questions like "Who scored the last touchdown?" and whatnot. Obviously Marni is not in charge of proofreading these blogs. I'm just taking Oprah's advice and keeping a journal of my innermost thoughts, Honey. We all know Oprah is never wrong- except about the cattle industry in Texas.

Right this second, Caden is watching a show on Animal Planet about Kopi Lewak. That is the 'Catshit' coffee that they grow in Indonesia. I think it tastes like ass- but that is just me.

I am off to Taiwan next week for a school trip. I am looking forward to it. Stamps in the passport. That is what Marni and I are after around here.

No word on the school for next year. They are still negotiating with landowners as we speak. Funny to think that our owner pulls out roughly $6 million/year from his 'Non-profit' school in Shanghai. Another $3-million from Capetown. Education is definitely a business over here.

Happy Easter. We are craving Mini-eggs, here. We cannot find them. However, Crunchie bars in Australia were a welcome treat.

The Art of Management

Spring break is over and we are now thrust into the unstable reality that is school. The 'Owner' of the school has been around for a couple of weeks and this morning was the first time I bumped into him. My students were wondering who the 'New Guy' was, last week as they don't know who he is. The ownership is still trying to buy some land to build a new school. Apparently, buying land in Jakarta is not simple. Most large parcels of land are owned by the city and you need to provide an explanation as to what you want to do with it and how it will benefit the city. It makes sense but is taking a lot longer then expected. Although, with the group of clowns running this operation I would think they may never get the land.

Unfortunately, they are still stringing the parents along. "There is still hope.". "Stick with us. The future is bright.". Sadly, many parents are so naive that they are not finding alternative arrangements for their child's schooling.

All I know is that if Marni and I had chosen to stay there would be fists flying. The teachers that have signed on to stay are still without any answers as to what will happen next year.

That said, the mango trees on campus are providing fruit for students during recess. Whoda thunk that I would be watching students use floor hockey sticks to knock down fruit from a tree. Although, what else would you expect from Indonesians?

Australia

For spring break, Marni and I decided that going somewhere 'home-like' would be a nice treat. We thought that heading to Australia would be a nice thing to do. When we realized how expensive it would be to find accommodations we then decided it would be a cool treat to rent a campervan (RV) and do some camping.

Getting there was uneventful. Although, the old lady behind me on the plane was really cranky about all the people who had to line up beside her to use the toilet. She was really pissy about the whole thing. Apparently, my size 10 feet are so grossly huge that I managed to step on her feet at least three times. It seems that it was the first time her big ass had been in a plane.

I could not believe the number of Aussie's that would fly from Bali to Perth. After spending a week in the area I have no idea why they would leave. The whole western coast is like the Okanogan with better beaches. It is absolutely stunning.

We rented the RV that we thought was going to be a small mini-van type for the four of us. Somehow, the paperwork confirmed us a 26-foot RV. That is all fine and good except it would really put a cramp in cruising around the city. Kind of like when Mom would lend me the K-Car for cruising chicks. Also, the fact that I had to drive on the left-side of the road also made it a tad tricky. Add to that the idea that I have not actually driven a car since the day we left for Jakarta would also put an interesting spin to the trip. All-in-all, everything went well. The driving was uneventful.

One of our first stops was the town of Bunbury. Nothing too exciting. I did snap a couple of cricket pics for the old man. Somebody heeds to show those kids how to throw a baseball, though. Then we walked across the street to the beach where we immediately saw a pod (Yes, a pod) of dolphins. I have pet them, had them do tricks and kissed them- but, to see them jumping on their own in the ocean was something special.

The next day we found a town called Yallingup. Really, it's like Jasper without a bar. It is nothing but a surfing town. Amazing beaches, tons of wineries and some other cool things to do. We stopped in at a sheep farm and quickly realized why all those Scottish/sheep jokes exist. Did you know that sheep have no upper teeth? I'll just let you put those last two sentences together in any way you like.

I did not get to shear a sheep (although I think one winked at me), but I did get volunteered to do a lot of the demonstration. Zoe got to be a Jackaroo. We were also given a brief description of the working dogs- "If a dog looks like that (man points at Boarder Collie), it herds the sheep!". "If it looks like that (points to some brown dog) it walks on sheep! Get it?" Very informative.

One of the children watching the show ate sheep shit.

One of the brilliant ideas adopted by the Aussie's are public BBQ's. They are not like the crappy hibachi's that we have in the Elks park, or something. These are propane BBQ's that are always full and clean. They are also used a lot. What a great idea! We need more parks with public BBQ's. Oh, and these people live up to the stereotype of 'shrimp on the barbee'.

After me swerving all over the road for five days we finally saw a kangaroo. We happened to stop at a random winery to let the kids stretch their legs and on the way back we spotted one in a farmers field. It made my trip. After that, I could focus on the road. Marni can work a GPS but spotting 'Roos is not a strength.

Caden met a girlfriend. He came running out of a playground with this little girl in tow and raced her to another part of the park. Her name was Grace. He spoke of her often.

Shamus has now seen another continent. Lucky little Leprechaun.

I am officially the proud owner of a 'Roo-skin hat.

We came home to a nice clean house that was spruced up by the hired help.

There, of course were many other highlights of the trip which we will share with you later. Right now, I am happy that we could smuggle in four bottles of wine.