Renovations

I understand why I am writing these so infrequently. I am so used to the amount of insanity that surrounds me in this country that I forget to write it down.

Our school has been building a beautiful addition to the property. It is a four story secondary and administration building. The project has been going since last July. Actually, with people that use very little in terms of modern tools, the building is stunning and was erected very quickly. Yes, yes I did just use the word erected.

Here are a few issues we have had to deal with:

Firstly, the building was supposed to be done over Xmas holidays. Considering the size of the project that does not surprise me that they were late. Even now that the building is 99% complete and teachers have moved in we are still waiting for the power company to hook things up. It turns out that they need to shut the power down to the entire neighbourhood to hook up our power. But, when talking to others, the only time the power company needs to do that is if they are upgrading the entire system to the entire neighbourhood. Turns out, they are trying to make our school pay for upgrades they need to make anyway. What?! Corruption in this country?! No! (insert sarcasm, here) So, as of yesterday, the school does not have enough electricity to power the whole school. My A/C crapped out over lunch and my room was a sauna for the afternoon. In fact, even Zoe wouldn't come in because she said it smelled like sweat.

We have wheelchair accessability, now. Unfortunately, when they connected the new buiding to the old one they did not measure the height differences. So, our wheelchair ramp comes with a 1.5 metre drop off at the end. But, just to keep everyone feeling equal, the stairs have the same drop off. Look on the bright side, we are the first school with cross-country running facilities on campus.

Because we have been building so many different buildings on the campus, we have been subjected to constant flooding. Classrooms, cafeterias, assembly halls have all been washed out with the rains. In fact, the temporary wall in our assembly hall has almost rotted through.

To bring up the safety regulations in the new building, we have installed a fire extinguishing system. Brilliantly, they designed a pump that would use the pool water in case of any fire emergency. Not a bad idea considering traffic and fire-fighting facilities in Jakarta. Anyway, there are these enormous pipes that run down the side of the property, hanging from the cement walls that divide up the properties. As well, the pipes begin in the shallow end of the swimming pool. However, I don't think the designers understand how much water weighs. It is clear to me that if they fill those pipes with water they will tear off the wall and bend. But, what do I know?

Also, because the pipes begin in the shallow end of the pool there is no way they have access to all of the water in the pool. Hopefully, if there is a fire, it is a small one. Also, hope there are no small children in the pool so they don't get sucked into the pipes.

We had a worker cut himself on a piece of broken glass recently. Our Principal got him all fixed up and the bleeding stopped. He then proceeded to go and pick up more glass and almost cut his thumb off. I am unsure if he went back to work after that incident.

Another long time

Once again time has escaped me and I have been ignoring my duty to keep you all informed of our life over here. Several wonderful developments have happened recently.

We have officially passed our half-way point of being here. At this time next year we will be preparing for our triumphant return home. Then we will have to spend a tremendous amount of money to buy all the things that we sold off before leaving. Entire wardrobes will need to be purchased as both Marni and I are about svelte and buff and the kids are about eight inches taller then when we left.

Caden cut his head for about 20 stitches some time ago. He fell in the playground and cut himself so deep that the doctor said he was close to reaching skull. This being the second set of stitches received by a Kindy made one think that possibly there was some areas in the playground that weren't safe. Caden has been much happier, though as now that several new students have arrived in his class that have so many problems he has gone from being 'Public Enemy #1' to 'Normal four-year old boy'. He has been surrounded by 'The Screamer', 'The Prince', two Arab 'Escape Artists' and 'The Shitter'. From the sounds of it, he was normal all along.

The rainy season has been just that. There are some interesting little diseases that creep up in a school as the little bugs get to incubate. We have a couple of cases of 'Hand, foot and mouth', 'Dengue', 'Typhoid', 'Lice' and any range of flu coughs. I have recently learned that Indonesians don't get 'colds'. They get 'fevers'. Why would they get a cold?

Caden had a play date, today. I was surprised to see the little boy's Nanny in Caden's room as I got out of bed wearing my t-shirt and underwear. I am certain she was surprised, too. Apparently, the little boy goes nowhere without his nanny. It was strange to have her hang around and play with the boys. It was also strange to see the boy wait at the bottom of the stairs so she could pick him up because he 'couldn't or wouldn't do it himself. But, I guess he is only four. What do I expect? Realize, this is a boy from Caden's school who Marni and I see everyday. It is not like we are strangers.

Some interesting developments with labour laws in Indonesia. Apparently, the rules are changing regarding how many Indonesians should be employed by a school. What tends to happen- and it is fair- is that for every expat employed, they want to have an Indonesian 'shadow' to learn the ropes. Our school does an excellent job doing that however, some of the larger schools do not employ a lot of Indos. Unfortunately, the Principal of the school needs to hold a Master's degree. Fine, except for the fact that our Principal holds every other credential equivalent to a Master's- except for a Master's. What I have suggested is that Marni or I get to be the Principal and Chris gets to be a 'Consultant'. Maybe we can pad our resume a bit more. We will see how that all plays out. Regulations get changed like underwear around here.

A long time

It has been a terribly long time since I have been in touch with many of you. Many things have happened.

Mom and Dad had a great time in Bali. Y'know, being paradise and all......just friggin' wonderful.

Off Mom, Dad and I went to Jogjakarta. What is there, you ask? Just a couple temples. One of them being the largest Buddhist temple in the world. Looks like a big pile of stones, actually. Mom did a great job in the heat and climbed to the top with her bionic knees. Kudos to you, old lady. Dad's own Buddha was highly regarded by the locals.....sort of a trend that followed him through Asia, actually. In Canada, not so attractive. But here, get your groove on, Old Man!

Dad established himself as one hell of a bargain finder. The guy was buying the biggest pieces of shit for the lowest possible price. In fact, one local lady said to our driver that he was tough for a Bule. I am certain she only made 40% profit on that transaction. A toothless grin all the way to the closest Nasi Goreng kaki lima.

At this point I don't think mom had the shits!

Christmas was great! After opening all of his presents Caden complained that he did not get enough. Santa is such an asshole!

Vic and Kathleen arrived on the 27th and we had some great visits. Many bottles of wine, macaroni and Cheerios were had by all.

Off to Vietnam we went! First stop, Ho Chi Mihn City (or Saigon to you non-communists).

Wonderful city. I highly recommend it. Stuff is CHEAP! T-shirts for $3. Dry-fit Adidas for $5. After bragging about the 'smokin' deal he got on a North Face backpack, Dad realized he paid a whopping 90 cents more then me.....at a place where there was no haggling. Great job, Buddy!

Sales pitch of the trip has to go to some little hussy that asked Vic what he was looking for. Vic replied "Nothing". She then grabs him by the arm, pulls him into her shop and says "I'll show you nothing!". I don't recall if be bought 'nothing'.

I still don't think mom had the shits, yet. But she sure was cringing whenever we ate.

One of the things I realized......We buy too much crap! When we buy crap, there is just another truckload of it to buy, again. Somebody has to make this crap and from what I have experienced in Asia- the people making our crap don't have a great life because of it! Don't think we are making life wonderful for them by giving them jobs. They are better off without us needing trinkets, do-dads and wingdings.

Unfortunately, I like trinkets, do-dads and wingdings. Now I just feel bad about it.

New Years Eve in Saigon was very cool. Marni and I went for a walk around the main public park that was filled with food stalls, live bands and hundreds of thousands of people. I was asked if I wanted a little 'Boom boom'....and not by Marni. I have seen enough Vietnam movies to understand what that meant.

We then went to the Mekong Delta. Some of the most fertile lands in Asia. People lived, more or less, on the river as its many tributaries act as roadways. We went to the floating market where all the boats, loaded with goods, just sit on the water. You float up, get what you need and head out. Seeing the beer boat reassured me we were no longer in a Muslim country.

Off to Da Nang and a little city called Hoian. You would know the name Da Nang from many Vietnam movies from back in the day. In contrary to movie culture, the Americans did not win and frankly, didn't have a hope in winning. Da Nang was a beautiful area that I hope we have a chance to return to. Beaches, history (both recent and ancient), cheap stuff and good food.

Mom probably had the shits, here.

Up to Hanoi for another couple of days. We didn't spend too much time as we were off to the Hai Long Bay. This bay is a World Heritage site and is what you would expect in an Asian painting. I could not describe what it looked like.

We spent two night on a Junk that fed us very well. Unfortunately, it was about 10 degree. The first time I have been cold since leaving Canada. In fact, one day it was warmer in Calgary then on the Bay. We were able to do things such as eat dinner in a cave, go kayaking through other caves and rock formations and eat the freshest fish you could ever imagine. One of the highlights for me was visiting a remote fishing village that is pretty much self-sufficient. They are getting some help from the boat companies but they have schools, little shops and they get a fair price for their fish. Interestingly, there were many dogs. Not for food (I know what your thinking).

Mom definitely had the shits, here.

We spent another lovely night in Hanoi. We went for 'Local' food and a little hole in the wall place. Think of the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld. Literally, that is what it was. No questions about what you want- everybody gets beef. What size? Medium. Price? Yes. Great noodles, though. Mom soldiered through it. Nobody got sick from the food.

Are you f@&$ing serious?

Christmas holidays are here. Mom and Dad showed up unscathed. All seems great.

Let me tell you about our trip to Bali.

First, web check in. Sounds wonderful. New addition to AirAsia.

Call cab to pick us up at 8:00.

8:30 family is walking across the street to catch a cab because said cab has not shown up. "sorry, Meester" .

10:25- arrive at airport for 10:35 flight to Bali. Told because I had used the web check in I would have to purchase six new tickets. 10:26- security arrives after I slammed my hands on the counter telling the attendant that the plane would take off late because no AirAsia flight has ever taken off on time. After being told that they had closed the gate and we could not get on, my blood pressure rises some more. Mental note and real pisser- the plane did not take off until 10:52.... So, it was late.

After only paying a service fee, we were able to get new tickets on the 1:45 flight out. Good news.

Bad news....that plane was 50 minutes late for arrival. Take off time...3:00.

So, we wasted half a day in Bali. How was I supposed to add to my collection of carved, wooden dick bottle openers?

Had a great time in Bali with the folks.

Going to Jogjakarta with mom and dad.

6:00am flight. Need to leave hotel at 4:00 am. Up at three, have a driver already lined up. The same driver who we had used for the previous three days.

4:00- phone driver to check if he is on his way.

4:15- get in touch with driver who was still sleeping. He says he is half an hour away.

4:23- driver picks us up.

4:24- wonder how much gas is in his tank when the little 'need gas' light comes on. Also wonder if gas stations are open at this early hour. Also wonder why a person who has no gas does not fill up tank the night before. Also wonder why I am being so calm......ahhh....memories of security. Catch more flies with honey. But shit works well, too.

4:45- mom has covered her eyes because she cannot believe how driver is driving. Welcome to Indonesia, mom!

4:55- getting gas. Still need to make the plane.

After almost losing control while hydro planing, driver says we are five minutes away from airport. I tell him it would be a shame to die so close to destination and he slowed down. You're welcome, mom.

5:20- arrive at airport. Unfortunately, there was some construction and I think there was a 20min. Walk to the front gates.

5:30- in line for tickets

Plane takes off ten minutes late.

Don't ask 'Why?'.

Marni and I went out on our date-night, last night. A great little Turkish place up the road. Actual, Turkish...not a doner kebab! Anyway, a nice couple sat down beside us and we got to talking. Turns out, the man was a Principal at a local, Indonesian public school. To make things better, he was Canadian! From BC, mind you, but still Canadian.

He was soon to return to Canada to do some recruiting and he asked Marni and I what he should include in a presentation about teaching in Jakarta. Our answer, "Don't ask why anything is the way it is." That question could drive you crazy.

A couple examples, recently. The manpower department has recently decided that they need to have all of our teachers university transcripts in order to renew their work permits. It doesn't matter that all of these teachers have already received work permits and are simply renewing them. They had been approved in the past, but now they government does not believe itself. That may seem easy to overcome, except our Principal has been teaching for 30 years and her college doesn't exist anymore.

Another teacher had taken a number of history modules in her last year of University. The module names: Sorcery and Witchcraft, Hollywood, just to name a few. It may be tough to sell yourself as a teacher when those are the modules the Indonesian government will see. One of the other wonderful things is that all the transcripts needed to be translated into Indonesian. I am certain that will happen smoothly .

Another thing we find around here is the number of restaurants that are out of food. Why? Don't ask. KFC with no chicken, McDonalds with no hamburgers, Bars with no beer. There is a restaurant across the street that has many liquor bottles along their bar. They are all empty. You ask for Scotch- none, wine- not today, Meester. But, decorations....they have many.

We have no gym equipment at our school. Over the last few years much of it has been stolen, kicked over the fence, etc. We were to make a large order from a company in Australia. One of our Indonesian teachers mentioned to me that we could simply get that stuff locally. When I asked "Why don't we go and buy some equipment, then?" I received the standard 'deer in headlights' look. Silly me for asking why.

Looking at this topic I guess many questions have simple answers:

Why do the buses not have doors? Duh, to get in and out while the bus is still moving.

Regardless of whose fault a car accident is, why does the car owner always pay for the scooter driver? Duh, because the car is bigger. You should have known the scooter would run into your back bumper.

Why are there stoplights? That is a good question. Apparently, 98% of Indonesians are colourblind, anyway.

Why is there a Saskatchewan Roughriders Jersey in the outlet store across the street? Because no one at home will buy it.

Why is that man strapped to a palm tree? How else would he get it home on his scooter.

Indonesian principles

The family and I have been here for over a year, now and we are becoming more and more Indonesian. We are in process of learning the language and have started to wear jackets when the temperature plummets under 28 degrees.

With the start of the xmas season I thought I would share a few traditions that we will be bringing home with us.

Camels- Christmas needs less Christ and more camels.

The kids had joined us in slowly walking from one escalator in the mall to the other in a strategically staggered fashion. We walk slow enough that you cannot possibly pass us before the next escalator. We think that it develops patience.

Also dealing with escalators, the malls here are so large that you must gaze at the marvels surrounding you....at the top of the escalator. That way, too, everyone else behind us can enjoy the same splendor we do. One must really stop and smell the roses more often. So why not do it while your toes are being smashed into the person in front of you and getting felt up from behind?

We will start giving everybody driving instructions. Our lives in the west are so regimented rules and protocol that driving should make a person feel free. So go where you want, when you want at whatever speed you want. That said though, I have not been in a car in Jakarta that has gone 50km/h. Realize too, honking your horn has many meanings from "stop" to "go" to "get the hell out of my way" to "please, feel free to cross in front of me, it is safe". Marni and I will brief you on the differences.

We will make sure that visible minorities do not feel segregated. When see them will yell, hoot, point and take pictures of them. What better way could there be to make them feel like one of us?In fact, why wait? When you see Africans, touch there heads, Asians, make funny eye shapes and yell at them. Let them know that they are different and you love that about them. Spread the love, people, it's almost Christmas!

Jakarta Petting Zoo

Another 'Killing an Animal' Holiday is upon us. Marni and I noticed, last week, the number of local petting zoos were springing up all over. This morning, many of them are empty. Hmmm??

Yesterday, there were some locals 'recycling' in our compound. Recycling here consists of throwing all of your shit away and someone with a pull cart comes around and pick through all the good stuff. However, good stuff here is relative. These people probably live on less than a dollar a day. AND....they have a smile on their face. Truly fascinating.

Anyway, with our local recyclers were two goats. Poor little things had know idea what was about to happen to them. I asked the men if I could take some picture (I am learning more Indonesian so I tried it on them...."Boleh, kana saya picture, anda?" "Hell ya, Misterrrr!" they answered. Then they scurried around to look busy. Actually, I just wanted a picture of the goats.

When I pointed to the goats (who happened to be chewing on a burger wrapper that I probably threw out) and made the classic 'knife across the throat' gesture, they all smiled and said "Yessss". The one man then gave his goat a little rub behind the ears. That may have been to tenderize it, too. I am not sure if ears are good eating. In Asia, though.....it's all good. Today we saw many of the staff members sorting out piles of meat into plastic bags. One can only assume it was our two little goats from the night before.

Anyway, to put this in perspective for you. Do you remember in "The Godfather" when the one character wakes up next to the horse head? Well, we saw the guy who actually places the horse head on his pillow, today. He had a wonderfully crocheted bag filled with the head of a cow....on his scooter. Just so nonchalont about it. Why wouldn't you be carrying the head of another mammal around?