Marni and I were on the hunt for some badly translated t-shirts while in China. While we never found some for sale, there is a few that we saw on other people that were quite funny.
Basketball is very popular in China. You may be a huge fan of the NBV's Miami HFAT or Orlando MHGIC or the L.A. LACERS. All shirts were very popular.
Maybe you are into exercise. To motivate yourself you live by the mantra 'No Paint, No gain'.
You could be into top designer labels like, Kalvin Clein or Parda.
Then, on the train- not a t-shirt, but in the bathroom you were warned "not to flush while meeting emu". We have no idea what that could have ever meant.
While at the museum in Xian there were signs marking the ancient pottery. All three said "Plate with depiction of bear". Great, meanwhile one plate has a bear, one has a fox and the other a turtle. the explaination in Mandarin was correct, the translation was a tad off.
At the zoo we learned that a Walrus is a large fish found in the amazon river of South America. Hmmm.
Inuit use caribou to pull sleds. Maybe they do.......I don't know.
One of the greatest 'feel good' set of signs we saw were the Stay off the grass signs. They were not that blunt but were messages such as "Budda deserves your peity. Do not destroy the beautiful nature". "The grass brings beauty to your life and should be respected". "Share your environment with others.", etc. There were many others that were wonderful to read.
All these signs were lost on the Chinese, though. At the zoo, the 'Do not feed the animals' sign was followed....unless you talking about the ostrich. Then, you could feed them chips. Or zebra. They were not fed but letting your son piss into there enclosure while almost getting his dick chewed off by a wild donkey was fair game. Oh yah, and Baboons like Sprite. Who knew?
And I did learn how universal teh F-word is while a "Taxi Driver" tried to load our bags into his "cab" at the train station. Zoe got right into it by grabbing the suitcase and pulling it away from him. Caden was truly upset by the man then all the other Cabbies got pissed off at the guy. Then, a legitimate cab offered to take us to the hotel. Mental note....blonde kids crying is a great way to get anything.....except toys from his parents.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
China
It has been a while since a post but we have been blocked by the Chinese govenment. Apparently, the Chairman has not been too accepting of things like facebook because a few bad apples in the middle east.
Anyway, we made our way to China to meet our friend, and fellow teacher, Josh. We first ended up in the city of Nanjing. I guess we were the first white people ever to set foot in the city because we could not sit down and enjoy an ice cream without crowds of people gathering. In fact, the paparazzi has been out in full force during our visit. It is really, the first time we have been offended and aggravated by people.
Highlights of Nanjing: Well, Josh introduced us to many of his Professors and Instructors from University. They were all very friendly and wanted to take us out to dinner. His one professor decided that we needed to be Chinese and told to me that many Chinese will drink until they are drunk at a table. It would be dishonourable to leave the table without being drunk. That was all fine and good except for the fact that he did not venture to look at the alcohol content of Chinese beer. His measely 3% alcohol was no match for a well fed, 170 lb. Canadian. Lets just say the old guy was dishonoured as he fell off his chair and I danced through the restaurant.
We had our first taste of some true Chinese culture while taking a 14 hour train ride to Xi'an. Lets just say that bunk beds and chldren do not mix. We saw some beautiful countryside very reminiscent of Alberta. Xi'an was the capital city of China for many of the major Dynasties, including the first one. We were able to see the famed Terra-cotta Warriors which were a splendor. We were also treated to some marvels at the local museum that featured art from more than 3000 years ago. Interesting to think that 3000 years ago the Chinese were making fine pottery and art and our Natives were still wallowing in mud until 150 years ago.
Off to Beijing on a high speed train. Beijing is a beautiful city. We have visited Tianamen square, the Forbidden City (which, ironically, nobody of forbidden from for the low, low price of 60Yen). I had a meeting with the Chairman but he was at a loss for words. The Beijing zoo, albeit a lack of live animals was okay. THe kids were more the hit then the Pandas. Apparently, blonde children are more endangered then Pandas.
Today, we visited the Great Wall. Absolutely stunning. There is a saying that "You are not a man until you walk on the Great Wall". Well, Caden hit puberty today because that little guy marched his ass off. Good on ya, Little Buddy. We were dealt a reprieve with the locals because there was a two-year old redhead from Michigan to take on the assault.
I will add some more later. Shamus was out in full force, sightseeing these days.
Anyway, we made our way to China to meet our friend, and fellow teacher, Josh. We first ended up in the city of Nanjing. I guess we were the first white people ever to set foot in the city because we could not sit down and enjoy an ice cream without crowds of people gathering. In fact, the paparazzi has been out in full force during our visit. It is really, the first time we have been offended and aggravated by people.
Highlights of Nanjing: Well, Josh introduced us to many of his Professors and Instructors from University. They were all very friendly and wanted to take us out to dinner. His one professor decided that we needed to be Chinese and told to me that many Chinese will drink until they are drunk at a table. It would be dishonourable to leave the table without being drunk. That was all fine and good except for the fact that he did not venture to look at the alcohol content of Chinese beer. His measely 3% alcohol was no match for a well fed, 170 lb. Canadian. Lets just say the old guy was dishonoured as he fell off his chair and I danced through the restaurant.
We had our first taste of some true Chinese culture while taking a 14 hour train ride to Xi'an. Lets just say that bunk beds and chldren do not mix. We saw some beautiful countryside very reminiscent of Alberta. Xi'an was the capital city of China for many of the major Dynasties, including the first one. We were able to see the famed Terra-cotta Warriors which were a splendor. We were also treated to some marvels at the local museum that featured art from more than 3000 years ago. Interesting to think that 3000 years ago the Chinese were making fine pottery and art and our Natives were still wallowing in mud until 150 years ago.
Off to Beijing on a high speed train. Beijing is a beautiful city. We have visited Tianamen square, the Forbidden City (which, ironically, nobody of forbidden from for the low, low price of 60Yen). I had a meeting with the Chairman but he was at a loss for words. The Beijing zoo, albeit a lack of live animals was okay. THe kids were more the hit then the Pandas. Apparently, blonde children are more endangered then Pandas.
Today, we visited the Great Wall. Absolutely stunning. There is a saying that "You are not a man until you walk on the Great Wall". Well, Caden hit puberty today because that little guy marched his ass off. Good on ya, Little Buddy. We were dealt a reprieve with the locals because there was a two-year old redhead from Michigan to take on the assault.
I will add some more later. Shamus was out in full force, sightseeing these days.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Final Days
This time every year is a strange time for me. Each spring, teachers say goodbye for the summer like it is any other weekend. “Have a great holiday!”. However, in the back of my mind I know that I will be seeing them again in the fall. Really, it’s only two months. Most times, I play some golf, go camping or have a BBQ with the ones that mean a lot to me.
This year, however, is a weird time. The teachers I am saying goodbye to are leaving for Spain, Germany, Canada and South Africa. One teacher is heading to Thailand- so he’ll still be in the neighbourhood. Chances are, I will not see them ever again- and like always, its just a simple “Goodbye!”.
To make matters worse, the school is being packed up. Literally. Air conditioners, white boards, bookshelves, everything. They have purchased 1600 boxes to get the packing done and think there might be more then 2000 by the time all the stuff is packed. In my science lab alone there must be more then 50.
Today, they started to take the playground equipment down. Not such a bad thing although Caden was playing on the swings as they started. He began to cry. This whole thing is really tough on all of the kids in the school.
Tomorrow, we have to say goodbye to the security guards, the ‘Bees’ and all of the Indonesian staff that has been so wonderful to us. They have a difficult situation. Many of them have been here since the school opened over 20 years ago. Packing up their school is really wearing on them. To top it all off, after they are done packing they are all fired. Nice.
One nice thing is that the grade 9 and 10 class invited all of their teachers out for a great dinner. They met us at the door, walked us to the tables, bought wine (not the cheap shit, either) and beer for all of us, etc. All in all, I’ll bet they dropped $1000 on us. It is a tradition of theirs. After our year, it was exactly what we all needed. It was much better then our actual staff party which included us going to the place where the new school will be, go through the indoctrination and be told how wonderful the new school will be. “What a shame none of you will be part of it” we were told. To top it off, at about 9:00 pm, we were told that the bus was there to pick us up and take us home. That was after we saw two new jugs of beer arrive. We were carted off and the beer was never drank- shame. Let’s just say the kids know how to entertain much better then the adults, around here.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Final Days
We are at school, wrapping up the final few things. I must admit, this is a lot more strange then other years. Instead of just saying "Have a great summer." to colleagues, this year, they are headed to Spain, Germany, back home. There is a good chance I never see those people again. There is no 'Welcome back BBQ' where I get to see old friends.
The 'Bees' are packing up the school to move it to the new venue. Twenty years of dust, roach shit, rat turds, etc. needed to be packed. They wanted to take my chairs but when I said there were still students sitting on them they agreed that was not so convenient. We cannot watch movies- they took the projectors. Many classes have no chairs or desks. There is a soccor ball in the gym....A soccer ball.
In my science lab I am finding many years of old, unlabelled chemicals. In fact, yesterday, I found two bottles of mercury. I haven't seen mercury since I was in junior high. You cannot even have that in a school back home. When I went to see someone about disposing of it they mentioned how they would get me some sand, pour the chemicals into the sand and then dump it out. Wow! When I explained how that would NOT be happening the Indonesian staff went into overdrive to find a proper way of getting rid of it. I did mention that the amount of mercury I had could poison a substantial number of people they were a little more willing to listen.
Today is our awards presentation. It proves to be a success. With 30 awards given out and 42 students there will definiately be some happy kids....or 12 really ticked ones. But, just to make the year end on a fabulous note, I get to give the closing address. Yay me! I was going to use some parts of a speech given by the Dean of Medicine at the U of A but that proved to be a bad idea.
The students are bouncing all over the place. The grade 1 class has no teacher. The other teachers VISA ran out and there has been a revolving door of coverage there. Parents are not impressed. If I was paying $15000 to have my student here, I would be pissed, too.
There are no substitute teachers. Many people have been 'sick' lately and we are supposed to cover their classes. But, often we do not know people are missing and the kids just go and hide in a dark, empty room. I am certain they are behaving themselves.
We move on Saturday. Our apartment is beautiful. We are excited to get to a school that has some idea of normal.
The 'Bees' are packing up the school to move it to the new venue. Twenty years of dust, roach shit, rat turds, etc. needed to be packed. They wanted to take my chairs but when I said there were still students sitting on them they agreed that was not so convenient. We cannot watch movies- they took the projectors. Many classes have no chairs or desks. There is a soccor ball in the gym....A soccer ball.
In my science lab I am finding many years of old, unlabelled chemicals. In fact, yesterday, I found two bottles of mercury. I haven't seen mercury since I was in junior high. You cannot even have that in a school back home. When I went to see someone about disposing of it they mentioned how they would get me some sand, pour the chemicals into the sand and then dump it out. Wow! When I explained how that would NOT be happening the Indonesian staff went into overdrive to find a proper way of getting rid of it. I did mention that the amount of mercury I had could poison a substantial number of people they were a little more willing to listen.
Today is our awards presentation. It proves to be a success. With 30 awards given out and 42 students there will definiately be some happy kids....or 12 really ticked ones. But, just to make the year end on a fabulous note, I get to give the closing address. Yay me! I was going to use some parts of a speech given by the Dean of Medicine at the U of A but that proved to be a bad idea.
The students are bouncing all over the place. The grade 1 class has no teacher. The other teachers VISA ran out and there has been a revolving door of coverage there. Parents are not impressed. If I was paying $15000 to have my student here, I would be pissed, too.
There are no substitute teachers. Many people have been 'sick' lately and we are supposed to cover their classes. But, often we do not know people are missing and the kids just go and hide in a dark, empty room. I am certain they are behaving themselves.
We move on Saturday. Our apartment is beautiful. We are excited to get to a school that has some idea of normal.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Banking
Allegedly, Indonesia is wrought with fraud. Whether it be through the internet, identity theft or bank fraud. That being said, banking is a pain in the ass. However, I am sure it is not only in Indonesia.
Joint accounts don't exist here. Marni and I having all our money go into one account, while convenient for our banking at home, is not so wonderful here. The bank will only give us one bank card. Great if we are both in the same place.
Can you use a credit card? Only if it from and Indonesian bank. Can I use my debit card? Only if it is issued by a certain bank (never my bank). Many businesses will have three or more debit machines and depending on the card type, they need to pull out the phone line and try again.
Marni and I are trying to book flights to China. Great! China Southern airlines flies directly from Jakarta to Nanjing. We check the website- good price. Except you cannot actually book the flights online. Why? Their website only has limited seats.
So, we phone the airline and I am put on hold for an indefinite amount of time once they realize I speak only english. So, we phone again and hooray, we get service in english (after pressing 2). Then, we get the quote. More expensive then the website. Why? Because we waited a day. So, you cannot book on the website, but when you phone the next day you pay more. Great way to make a profit. Anyway, halfway through the phone call (on skype) the internet goes down. So, no actual tickets, yet.
Another wonderful thing that often happens is that even if you are lucky enough to get tickets for any airline online, they tell you that they cannot process a credit card that is not from Indonesia. Even more fun. Can I get a credit card? Yes, but not from the bank that I am required by NJIS to use.
But, if I am able to use a Canadian credit card I need to pay in person at there office.....in south Jakarta. Basically, our office is in Red Deer, please come down and pay it. But, it is time sensitive, as well. You have 1 hour. Not bad if you actually live in Red Deer.
Three days later, the tickets are getting more expensive. My blood pressure is increasing with every Yen, too.
So, I phone Garuda Airlines that also flies with China Southerm. I am told that if I go to the local branch I will be able to book flights there. Wonderful! I jump on an ojek, drive around the block and go to the Garuda office. When I ask the attendent if I can book a ticket on China Southern he points to the large letters behind him and says "Meester, this is Garuda." After not choking him I explain that I was told they could help me. So, he gave me the phone number to China Southern (which I already had).
Well, to make it short. We did get the tickets. We had to go to a local travel agent. The tickets were not too expensive. So, we are off to China on the 24th.
Joint accounts don't exist here. Marni and I having all our money go into one account, while convenient for our banking at home, is not so wonderful here. The bank will only give us one bank card. Great if we are both in the same place.
Can you use a credit card? Only if it from and Indonesian bank. Can I use my debit card? Only if it is issued by a certain bank (never my bank). Many businesses will have three or more debit machines and depending on the card type, they need to pull out the phone line and try again.
Marni and I are trying to book flights to China. Great! China Southern airlines flies directly from Jakarta to Nanjing. We check the website- good price. Except you cannot actually book the flights online. Why? Their website only has limited seats.
So, we phone the airline and I am put on hold for an indefinite amount of time once they realize I speak only english. So, we phone again and hooray, we get service in english (after pressing 2). Then, we get the quote. More expensive then the website. Why? Because we waited a day. So, you cannot book on the website, but when you phone the next day you pay more. Great way to make a profit. Anyway, halfway through the phone call (on skype) the internet goes down. So, no actual tickets, yet.
Another wonderful thing that often happens is that even if you are lucky enough to get tickets for any airline online, they tell you that they cannot process a credit card that is not from Indonesia. Even more fun. Can I get a credit card? Yes, but not from the bank that I am required by NJIS to use.
But, if I am able to use a Canadian credit card I need to pay in person at there office.....in south Jakarta. Basically, our office is in Red Deer, please come down and pay it. But, it is time sensitive, as well. You have 1 hour. Not bad if you actually live in Red Deer.
Three days later, the tickets are getting more expensive. My blood pressure is increasing with every Yen, too.
So, I phone Garuda Airlines that also flies with China Southerm. I am told that if I go to the local branch I will be able to book flights there. Wonderful! I jump on an ojek, drive around the block and go to the Garuda office. When I ask the attendent if I can book a ticket on China Southern he points to the large letters behind him and says "Meester, this is Garuda." After not choking him I explain that I was told they could help me. So, he gave me the phone number to China Southern (which I already had).
Well, to make it short. We did get the tickets. We had to go to a local travel agent. The tickets were not too expensive. So, we are off to China on the 24th.
Friday, May 27, 2011
White people can dance.
Well...Marni performed her play with her Indonesian students, tonight. I tell you, all was great. Treasure Island by a munch of Asians and one Russian is pretty cool. One character sounded like a Jamaican Voodoo lady and another sounded like some strange half-English half-I don't know. But, it was all good.
One of things I am noticing about these students is how robotic they are. I have witnessed it in sports and now in drama. They have a lot of trouble 'flowing'. It seems like they cannot walk and talk when they are playing or acting. It was 'walk-say line, -walk- say line'. Of course the kids were nervous. At least the four students whose parents actually showed up were nervous. The same happens in phys.ed. where they are too robotic to not fall on their face. So, white people are less awkward then at least one group of people.
School is winding down and the kids are getting restless. More so then they do at home, too. We had a pool party on Wednesday and the students hated it! "It's too hot!" Really? Too hot to jump in the olympic sized school pool? Yup, they wanted to sit in the air conditioned library and play video games. Nerds! You can't tell me that any Canadian kids wouldn't give their left nut to hang out for an afternoon in the school pool. Especially since they just thawed out from the harsh winter that you were all bitching on facebook about having. Awwww!! (I spelled that with the sarcasm button).
Another interesting thing about the drama aspect is that our one Mandarin teacher (and soon to be tour guide of China) was quite upset about Marni breaking her leg. When I gave him a dumbfounded look (which, really, is my normal look) I wondered why someone would say "Break a leg, Marni" on the staffroom wall. When I explained what the phrase meant he just shook his head and said "Why is English so confusing? If you want to wish a person good luck, just say good luck." Now I know why China is kicking the rest of the world's ass.
One of things I am noticing about these students is how robotic they are. I have witnessed it in sports and now in drama. They have a lot of trouble 'flowing'. It seems like they cannot walk and talk when they are playing or acting. It was 'walk-say line, -walk- say line'. Of course the kids were nervous. At least the four students whose parents actually showed up were nervous. The same happens in phys.ed. where they are too robotic to not fall on their face. So, white people are less awkward then at least one group of people.
School is winding down and the kids are getting restless. More so then they do at home, too. We had a pool party on Wednesday and the students hated it! "It's too hot!" Really? Too hot to jump in the olympic sized school pool? Yup, they wanted to sit in the air conditioned library and play video games. Nerds! You can't tell me that any Canadian kids wouldn't give their left nut to hang out for an afternoon in the school pool. Especially since they just thawed out from the harsh winter that you were all bitching on facebook about having. Awwww!! (I spelled that with the sarcasm button).
Another interesting thing about the drama aspect is that our one Mandarin teacher (and soon to be tour guide of China) was quite upset about Marni breaking her leg. When I gave him a dumbfounded look (which, really, is my normal look) I wondered why someone would say "Break a leg, Marni" on the staffroom wall. When I explained what the phrase meant he just shook his head and said "Why is English so confusing? If you want to wish a person good luck, just say good luck." Now I know why China is kicking the rest of the world's ass.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Kota Kinabalu
Marni, the kids and I thought we would get another stamp in our passport by heading to Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia for the weekend. It is on the Island of Borneo- some of the most rustic, wild areas of the world. Cool!
Firstly, Malaysia had all of the best parts of Jakarta AND organization. It was a great place to visit.
The first couple of days we just hung out and did some shopping. A popular gift would be the frog purse. Kind of creepy and even more so when you realize the purse is made from an actual frog. Just hollow it out, add a zipper and call it a purse. So much for donating my body to science....I'm a wallet, baby!
Going through the shops it was evident that Caden could do whatever he wanted to. I turned around and he had stolen a bracelet from one of the stalls. He was honestly picking it up for Fifi (the nanny) but neglected to pay for it. The owner of the shop could have cared less. Tip #1: Take a blonde boy to Malaysia with you. Zoe cannot get away with as much. But, she smiles so well that she appears in many holiday pictures for the droves of Hong Kong tourists in the area. Caden is not as willing to pose for pictures.
We went on a couple of tours. One was a river cruise to see Proboscis monkeys. Caden referred to them as Pocahontas monkeys. Another cute thing he did this weekend. It was amazing to see these monkeys in the wild along with some other macaques. Amazing how fast a local boat driver can spot them when he is being paid. One glaring difference between a tour in Indonesia and one in Malaysia was the fact there were life jackets provided. Indonesians would assume you can swim.
We went to Mt. Kinabalu National Park. A wonderful little place with some of the rarest flowers around. Some of them are found only in that area. Sexy Lady orchids (they have boobs!) can be found, one type of orchid that the guide has only seen three time since 2003 and the smallest orchid in the world. When I asked the guide the name of the smallest orchid he said "The smallest orchid". Sort of like saying "Hey, who is that asshole?". "I don't know, we just call him the Asshole".
Part of the tour included a canopy walk. The kids were troopers until Caden looked down at the highest point of the trek. Then he shrieked and would not proceed. One of the guides had to carry him to the end. They would not let Marni or I do it. But, we have now identified something he is afraid of. He said he was just scared that Mommy would die if she fell. He was really just protecting her, not screaming.
Another part of the tour was to see the worlds largest flower- the Rafflesia. This flower contains no roots, shoots or leaves. It just buds from the ground. It can take 3 months for the bud to open and will only bloom for 5-7 days- once in the plants lifetime. Locally known as the "corpse flower" due to the pungent smell it produces. The locals drove us in a van with no suspension to what I thought would be our death to see this rare flower. Of course, there was a price attached.
After buying some new shoes I left the old ones on top of a dumpster. After 15 min, they were taken by a local to wear. The Salvation Army in action.
I am sure there are more stories and I will fill you in later.
Firstly, Malaysia had all of the best parts of Jakarta AND organization. It was a great place to visit.
The first couple of days we just hung out and did some shopping. A popular gift would be the frog purse. Kind of creepy and even more so when you realize the purse is made from an actual frog. Just hollow it out, add a zipper and call it a purse. So much for donating my body to science....I'm a wallet, baby!
Going through the shops it was evident that Caden could do whatever he wanted to. I turned around and he had stolen a bracelet from one of the stalls. He was honestly picking it up for Fifi (the nanny) but neglected to pay for it. The owner of the shop could have cared less. Tip #1: Take a blonde boy to Malaysia with you. Zoe cannot get away with as much. But, she smiles so well that she appears in many holiday pictures for the droves of Hong Kong tourists in the area. Caden is not as willing to pose for pictures.
We went on a couple of tours. One was a river cruise to see Proboscis monkeys. Caden referred to them as Pocahontas monkeys. Another cute thing he did this weekend. It was amazing to see these monkeys in the wild along with some other macaques. Amazing how fast a local boat driver can spot them when he is being paid. One glaring difference between a tour in Indonesia and one in Malaysia was the fact there were life jackets provided. Indonesians would assume you can swim.
We went to Mt. Kinabalu National Park. A wonderful little place with some of the rarest flowers around. Some of them are found only in that area. Sexy Lady orchids (they have boobs!) can be found, one type of orchid that the guide has only seen three time since 2003 and the smallest orchid in the world. When I asked the guide the name of the smallest orchid he said "The smallest orchid". Sort of like saying "Hey, who is that asshole?". "I don't know, we just call him the Asshole".
Part of the tour included a canopy walk. The kids were troopers until Caden looked down at the highest point of the trek. Then he shrieked and would not proceed. One of the guides had to carry him to the end. They would not let Marni or I do it. But, we have now identified something he is afraid of. He said he was just scared that Mommy would die if she fell. He was really just protecting her, not screaming.
Another part of the tour was to see the worlds largest flower- the Rafflesia. This flower contains no roots, shoots or leaves. It just buds from the ground. It can take 3 months for the bud to open and will only bloom for 5-7 days- once in the plants lifetime. Locally known as the "corpse flower" due to the pungent smell it produces. The locals drove us in a van with no suspension to what I thought would be our death to see this rare flower. Of course, there was a price attached.
After buying some new shoes I left the old ones on top of a dumpster. After 15 min, they were taken by a local to wear. The Salvation Army in action.
I am sure there are more stories and I will fill you in later.
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